I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
