we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
