Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
