i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
