Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
