I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
