so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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