I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
