Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
