i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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