Will you blow on my dice?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
