I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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