She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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