Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
