I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how does that bad decision feel?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
