Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
