I look better un-naked...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Man, jail baloney is awful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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