She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
