sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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