Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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