Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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