It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
