I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
