I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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