Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
