sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
