I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
