I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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