So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
