You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
