And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
