Whatcha textin bout Willis?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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