Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
