Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
