her vagine was all disorganized.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
