I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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