I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
