We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
