Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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