Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
