Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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