I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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