Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
