he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
