My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
