Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
