Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
