Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found your dick twin last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
