We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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