this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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