oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The air taste purple.
Randomize
