i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
