i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
